David Orwig
Administrator
It's 5:00 in the morning. My brain is breaking speed records... I'm TiredWired... I'm very awake... and I have this incredible need for 3 Chili-Cheese Doggies with onions. Is it possible to hyperfocus on not being able to hyperfocus? I have intense concentration on my lack of ability to have intense concentration. Now... I've talked to my cat about this issue... and Mr. Bubby agrees... if I just make these chili-cheese dogs... I'll feel a lot better. No, really. Ask him. Of course... it probably has nothing to do with the fact that he actually likes chili cheese dogs. Just hold 'em next to his mouth... and the old boy takes it from there. Yeah... it's an early breakfast for me. Good morning, y'all.
Sometimes the world just moves too fast for me. I gotta stop watching the news, man. I live a slow life. I don't handle over-stimulation... so I keep the residence dark when I can... play a lot of beach and rain sound effects. I expose myself to louder noises only when I'm working. There's nothing that SHOULD leave me feeling like I do now. But I spend a lot of time in a dark room in a bed because nothing is moving me to do the things I love to do. I AM NOT depressed... like... that deep feeling you get in your heart that travels to your brain in the form of feeling "hopeless" or suicidal or... whaever. I just feel like so many things are changing, you know? I think of it like a person....who is just on his balcony and he sees this tsumami in the distance... this wall ...that is taller than any mountain he's ever seen. And he knows... intellectually... he GETS that this thing is gonna smoooosh the shit outta him within the next 3 to 5 minutes. Now... he can run... but fuck it.... WHERE can he go where it's not gonna catch up to him? He can climb to the rooftops... but... same difference. So... he calmly walks downstairs... kicks back in his favorite recliner... and just stares at the pictures of all his memories on the wall. His children... his wife. And he waits. He doesn't cry... he doesn't FEAR anything. There's nothing left inside of him. Except awareness. I feel like I've been living in that moment for quite a while now. So it's time to sleep again. I'll see you all tomorrow.
